My hands ache from the punishment that the teacher gave me. I hate this place and the people in it with every fibre of my being and I wish that I could just leave and never return. Damn the jails and the magistrate and the rich and the poor, I want nothing to do with any of it!

The worst part is that I can't. Nate has trapped me, and I can't leave him. It has been years since I last felt so truly trapped, Journal, and I cannot even resent him. I find myself wishing that the world would disappear and leave nothing but we two, somewhere where we can see that Lady Moon that Nate loves so much.

The words are getting harder to write, and my hands ache... but Nate has worried so for these hands, and I refuse to allow him any more worry. I will play the piano until these hands stop complaining, and I will be magnificent.

Maybe then the whispering, the teasing and the harassment will stop and it will just be we two.

I have not ritten for sevral days, as I fel ill with the flew after gathering Botany spesimens for class as I deskribd in the last entree. It seems that these cursd lungs of mine can gather illness more qwiklee and eesily than I had expected. Nate tended to me and playd the violin for me in my illness, and

Journal, I must confess.

I was not that sick. What I did was remarkable and skandaluss, but my body shudders to think of it even now. This is luhsiveeuhs and wrong, Journal, and I know it but by God, he was so soft and he was so warm that I couldn't help but

We didn't do anything more than embrace, Journal. And not in the Biblical cense either, but in the simpl cense with which lovers might embrace on kold walks at winter time. I've seen that befor, from the rich and from the poor, that embrace for warmth, but I hadn't expectd to do such a thing with Nate. I want to do it again.

It's a skandaluss detail, Journal, and I feel stupid and silly for commiting it to you, but I would that I could have kissd the back of his neck just a bit.

Dear Journal,

You may nowtise, first, that my spelling has somwat improved. This is bekaus Nate has been tutoring me in piano theore as well as writing as of layt. I have been abl to ignore, generalee, those bizar and disterbing inclinations that overcaym my mind before. He is still lovely, Journal, but I have managd to caree on as per usual since then.

Today, however, we are going to tayk to the yard and gather spesimens for our Botany class. This will be the first time that we will hav been alon for quite some time now, and wile I know that there is a degree of risk invalvd in remaining kooth and sivil in this situation, I look forward to the tiem that we will spend away from the prying eys and harsh wispers in this house. Though I hav managed to keep my inclinations a pryvat matter, it's cleer that simplee being friends with Nate is already a crime. Oh, but I have an idea of what they wood say if they knew, Journal...

It was a rather sweltering hot summer day out, and while the heat was suffocating inside and out and they had the entirety of the weekend to gather specimens for Botony class, Mello felt that the only logical option was to go out and collect those items now, when the yard and the forest had not yet been picked-over by the other students and he would have the greatest chance of gathering the rarest and the best.

It was by virtue of the fact that he and Nate were lab partners - not because of any personal desire to spend time with Nate, no, clearly not that - that Mello found himself at Nate's bedroom door, knuckles itching as he held them against the hard wood and considered what he should do. He lowered his head, eyes hooded as he thought it over... this would be his first time really spending alone time with Nate since they'd gone into town. They had studied together, spend class time and practice room time together, but...

Mello frowned tightly as he heard whispering down at the end of the hall, shooting a glare at the two young ladies standing there- and while they ceased to whisper when he shot them that look, they only smirked and then giggled between themselves before leaving for the practice rooms.

Even being friends was problematic for them. Mello hated these stupid people-

He knocked, loudly and clearly, turning back towards Nate's door with a set jaw and a determined glare, the fingers of his other hand tightening on the Botany book at his hip.

Jernal,

I am not vary keen on mayking any confeshons to yew. It iz allwayz a pawsibilitee that sumwon will find this book and diskover eny seekrit that I rite in its payges. However, serten things hav happend reesentlee and, I canot eksplain it, but I reelee hav the erg to rite them. If only to collect my thawts.

Nate and I stoll sum clowthing from the wash room downstares, and wile we wer vary neerlee cawt in the prawsess of mayking off with them and ended-up having to chayng in a hall way brewm clawzet rahther than in my bed room, wee managd to make off suksessfullee. After clowthing ohrselvs, wee wer abel to mayke our way intoo the town for a visit. Ther had bin no set plan enishally, eksept to simplee explor the town dresd as if I wer the nobel and he the pesant, and evrything went wel in the sweet shop - it was byewtihful, Jernal, eksquizite, evry delikasee I've ever dremt of...

But thats nawt the point. The point iz that Nate and I nekst went to the mewzic stor to get sum payper and ink for kompozishon, and wile Nate was lookeng threw the music theeree books for sumthing that I kud yewse to improov my skills with the peano a much larger rish boy furst yelld at him and then struck him. I wood have merderd that boy, if we had been on the streets and if I had not been maskerayding as a nobel.

I cannot deskrib how kriminal it was that such a slimey prat struck Nate. If you give me away, Jernal, I will kno and I will hayte yew forevr, but I must konfess. When we retrnd to the hawse, Nate's klowthes wer missing from thare hiding playc in the hall clawset, and for a mowment we were newd together. His back felt soft and warm agenst mine, and in a frenzee we wer forsd to sneek off to my bedrewm and hide untill the other stewdents saw fit to bed down, so that Nate kood slip back to his room undeetektd. But in the meentiyme, he wore one of my night shirts, and as he lay komposing mewsic on my bedrewm floor I could see...
He looked so...

Jernal, stupid stupid Jernal, what has become of me?

Deer Jernal,

It is not that bad heer. Thow I find myself to be a nawviss with the Peano, I have arraynged for a tooter to skool me in its prawper yewsage. In do time, I beleeve that I will be abel to gayn grayter skill with this instrahment. Mowst of the other stewdents seem to find it amyewsing that I am not as grately skilled as they. One stewdent is strange, thow. He dose not seem to understand that thare ar class distinkshons of wich he shood be aware, and he daynes to speak to me any way. We have spowken twice in pryvate now, and wile he is still very much a strayng littl rish boy, he is not... intirelee objeckshonabl.

He is still vary strayng, of korse. His nayme is Nate River.

Dear Jernal,

I deetest you. I do not appertiate haven to write useless things in you every day. However, I have been orderd to do so by the teachrs heer, and I think that if I make up enough yewsless babbl they wil only see the amont of words in heer and miss take it for a lot of reel writing.

Thare ar no speling clases heer. I dont appertiate that much at all eether. The kuriculum is oviously set up so that the chilldren of the rish benifit the most.

But I don't need speling clases. Who kares if I can spel? Only yew, maybe, Jernal.

The log itself, up to the point of the reply included below.

Mello hoped that Nate would remain silent. He held his breath as the wash woman moved past the small nook where they had managed to conceal themselves, toting the wide basket of laundry off to its next engagement, and as he held his breath he moved his other hand to cover Nate's mouth as well, just in case the smaller boy should startle and make a sound he didn't mean to. Mello had no doubt that he was probably much more experienced with sneaking about and hiding from people, being a thief as he was...

When the wash woman's back disappeared around the corner and the sound of her softly clopping footsteps had left them... Mello removed his hand from Nate's mouth and stepped back from the shadows, taking a look around before tugging the smaller youth after him. "Come now, we need to be quick about this- the drying room is where we'll find the dry things, and that's where that wash woman was headed..."